three in the morning productions

until tomorrow

Jeni blew smoke to the side and glanced at me expectantly. She was waiting for me to pass judgment. But I wouldn't. I haven't a right to. We spend a good hour chatting--hardly enough to catch up on the times we're spending growing apart. It's been well over months now since she got on the cancer sticks and it saddens me. Certainly not because I disapprove or anything that momish. Only, it was the first time that I'd heard of it. We used to tell each other everything. Not it was quite clear that we've gone our own paths.

In a way it's my fault, I suppose. For months I'd been avoiding her. Because she's dynamic, because she has a personality that overshadows mine, and I felt stifled. I'm not content to be anyone's sidekick but neither am I competing for the leading role. Still I wonder if there had been some way to go about with finding myself that would haved caused the least hurt or damage to our friendship.

She tells me shocking tidbit of things that she's done while I kept myself away. She incriminates herself before me. But I only smile. She's becoming quite a Girl of the World... but I know I'm heading in the same direction--she's just getting there faster than I am. So I will not judge. My phone rings and I make a gesture to excuse my taking the call. In the meantime, she makes her own observations of me. "You've changed too. You've become a lot more independent." I laugh a little, her remark intrigues me and I feel as though we have to start all over again.

Maybe all the way back to the same lunch table from sixth grade where I shall introduce myself in the same bold, perky manner that was mine: "Hi! I'm the new and self-sufficient Kareen. Can I sit and start a new frienship with you?"

01.06.03 - 11:41 p.m.

	until tomorrow Jeni blew smoke to the side and glanced at me expectantly. She was waiting for me to pass judgment. But I wouldn't. I haven't a right to. We spend a good hour chatting--hardly enough to catch up on the times we're spending growing apart. It's been well over months now since she got on the cancer sticks and it saddens me. Certainly not because I disapprove or anything that momish. Only, it was the first time that I'd heard of it. We used to tell each other everything. Not it was quite clear that we've gone our own paths. In a way it's my fault, I suppose. For months I'd been avoiding her. Because she's dynamic, because she has a personality that overshadows mine, and I felt stifled. I'm not content to be anyone's sidekick but neither am I competing for the leading role. Still I wonder if there had been some way to go about with finding myself that would haved caused the least hurt or damage to our friendship. She tells me shocking tidbit of things that she's done while I kept myself away. She incriminates herself before me. But I only smile. She's becoming quite a Girl of the World... but I know I'm heading in the same direction--she's just getting there faster than I am. So I will not judge. My phone rings and I make a gesture to excuse my taking the call. In the meantime, she makes her own observations of me. "You've changed too. You've become a lot more independent." I laugh a little, her remark intrigues me and I feel as though we have to start all over again. Maybe all the way back to the same lunch table from sixth grade where I shall introduce myself in the same bold, perky manner that was mine: "Hi! I'm the new and self-sufficient Kareen. Can I sit and start a new frienship with you?" 01.06.03 - 11:41 p.m.